As I write this letter
by VividBlues
Summary: Prompt: "From time to time, I still like to remember the first time I looked into your eyes and saw my future there".


A.N.: For the prompt, "From time to time, I still like to remember the first time I looked into your eyes and saw my future there" .

I don't own Bleach. Or Yoruichi. Or Soifon. Or the prompt. Or the title, for that matter. I just took it from "P.S. I Love You", by The Beatles.

* * *

As I write this letter

"Yoruichi-sama,

I imagine that I'm probably taking you by surprise with this letter, as it probably isn't even a good idea to send you anything at these troubled times. But as the days we count from the start of this siege turn to weeks, months, and very soon, years, I couldn't help but find a way to ask you how are you doing out there. I expect you are well and safe, and that you lack nothing for your comfort at your current location. As difficult as the situation is for us right now, I hope you'll let me know if you're in need of anything I can provide.

And even if there is nothing else I can do for you in a material sense, I hope this letter may still be useful to assure you we are holding strong here, and that our spirits are still strong as well despite the amount of tension and worry we are going through, and despite the sheer amount of work to be done some days. While many divisions just sit tight and try to control their nerves and boredom in this lockdown, our division has been burdened with most of the outside incursions as I believe you are aware. Every mission is planned with detailed precision, and executed by our best available men, to the effect that we have an impressive low number of failures and casualties. We have managed to keep our supply lines fairly well too, and much of those accomplishments is thanks to the work you and your companions have been so expertly doing until now. We probably wouldn't be alive for so long without you.

I'm hoping too, as I write this, that my words may somehow comfort you where you are. I don't really know how you feel about all of this, with your family and some of your oldest friends under attack for this long, and completely out of your reach. But I know that in spite of all the work, all the worry, all the meetings, plannings, trainings, missions and fighting; even with all of that, I still find time to worry about you, and to miss your company. Sometimes, I catch myself remembering the old, peaceful times as I have my meal with the soldiers at the onmitsukido barracks. Sometimes, it's your wise words I remember as I ponder our next move, and sometimes it's your voice I hear as I wake up with the memory of a dream of things past, or of things that didn't happen. Simple things, like strolling once again through the Shihouin estate fields, like discussing together our next mission, or like talking for hours about something that makes absolutely no sense anymore after I'm awake. So, if you ever feel lonely, or if you ever think about me, or miss me for a second, I wish you remember these words instead, smile like you often do, and go on knowing that here is still a person who will always stay by your side - even when that is not physically possible.

As I keep writing this, I'm starting to realise how silly I must be coming across. But war really show us things we thought we already knew, but actually preferred to ignore most of the time. Even if we concentrate all of our attention and efforts into the battle, people still get sick, still get tired, and still die of stupid accidents. People still eat, still sleep, still get sad and happy at times. And people still look for the company of friends, still have hope and still make plans for the future. When I think about the future, all daily thoughts and worries fade, my life seem to come into focus, and I remember what I'm living for. And from the time when I was still a little child, from that time when I first saw you like one see a beautiful and distant ideal, it is for the chance to meet you again that I always get up each morning. That's why even if this distance pains me like I am so used to, it is the thought of seeing you again that gives me courage to move forward each day. And that's why, from time to time, I still like to remember the first time I looked into your eyes and saw my future there. So, let this be the silliest thing I have ever done, but at least let me say this before this uncertain life lead us even farther apart - I love you, Yoruichi-sama.

Now I'm actually hoping you don't get annoyed at my weakness at such an inoportune time. Anyway, I'm intent on sending this letter, so I won't even proof-read it. If all of my other reasons fail, there's still one thing I want to accomplish with this. I told the messenger to obey your command directly after delivering this letter, so, please, find him something to do. He's talented and a good soldier, if a bit young, but he wouldn't have a chance of making it back to the Sereitei on his own. So, if you can, keep him with you; I'm sure he can be of use.

I am finally out of things to say. I realise you probably won't have a way to reply to me. Still, stay safe and well until we meet again. I guess that's all.

Soifon


End file.
